My morning routine usually consists of making myself tea and watching art videos. Recently, I watched this video by the Canadian artist Brooke Cormier, and it got me thinking about which category of artists I feel like I belong to at this stage in my life.
I don’t have thousands of followers, so I wouldn’t really call myself a content creator, though in a previous career chapter I did create content and manage social media for other people. I’m not tabling at art fairs or local markets, so I wouldn’t call myself a vendor. I’ve realized that maybe I’m just not putting myself out there enough at all, and the question isn’t about what kind of artist I am, but how I want to be perceived.
Last year while I was traveling, I had some pieces up at a local coffee shop in Portland. I was so excited to have my work out in the world and seen by people outside of my close circle. I thought, “this is it – people are going to be seeing this so I better get my shit together.” I made my website, I wrote out all the artwork info and made a QR code, but over the 2-3 months that my art was up on the wall the cafe didn’t share my work at all. I had a few friends stop by to see if my info was up, and it was disappointing to find out it wasn’t, especially as I was halfway across the world and couldn’t drop by to see for myself.
I observed myself reacting to this situation – I felt betrayed and my ego was definitely hurt. I had imagined that at the very least I would get a shoutout from the coffee shop on their Instagram story. When I came back to Portland to collect my artwork, the owner was very polite and gave me some great feedback. I didn’t mention my frustration because by that point it seemed arbitrary – I don’t believe they deliberately chose to not do anything, they were just busy trying to run their own business. But the whole experience put me on edge about putting my work in other people’s hands.
Over the next few months I decided to focus on making new work, and the figuring out where to show it part would come later. Not having a specific room or environment in mind while creating freed up so much space for playful exploration, and to make art that is purely from a creative place rather than pre-determined or strategic. It’s been fun to disconnect from the pressure of ‘will they like it’ and just make whatever I want. I remembered that’s what being an artist is all about. Absolute freedom. I am my own barometer for what comes next.
The coffee shop experience may have stirred up some trust issues, but I was proud of the way I jumped into action when the opportunity came, and when things didn’t go as planned I didn’t throw a tantrum and handled it calmly and professionally. Maybe it was a test, in preparation for greater opportunities to come.
–Marina
